alwaysroomforhope | (no subject)

Steph is totally not laughing. Nope, not even when she wraps the towel around herself and dives back into the foam after the baby.

"There's buttons on this thing that really shouldn't be pressed by kids," her voice announces, while puffs of froth fly in every direction from waving arms and Eleanor's giggles echo. "You're pretty much the worst babysitter ever, G."

"That's a bit harsh," Goldy objects.

"I only let her alone for a second. And it was to do you a favor!"

It should be noted that Goldy is resolutely not wading into the bubbles to aid Steph in recapturing the child. This inaction can't be helping her case much.

"Besides, technically speaking I'm not babysitting."

"Uh-huh, sure."

There's silence and sloshy foamy noises for a few seconds.

Then, an unmistakeable slow brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound, accompanied by delighted giggles from Eleanor and a choked-back laugh from Steph.

Three figures emerge triumphantly from the slightly-depleted wall of bubbles: Steph, Eleanor perched on her shoulders and giggling, and a Squeakins incognito under the handful of froth Eleanor's dumped on it.

Steph puffs a few clumps of foam at Goldy.

"...worst. babysitter. ever."

"Worst mother, actually."

Goldy ignores the incoming bubbles for now. She's more concerned with the object in her daughter's hands.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Steph nods, catching a tiny arm just before the object in question reaches Eleanor's mouth.

"Nuh-uh, precious, that'd taste bad. Promise."

Blink of delayed reaction.

"...?"

Ignoring the incredulous stare she's being given, Goldy ponders the duckie.

"Hmm. I'm not sure you're quite ready for sex toys yet, Sunshine."

A complacent shrug. "But whatever..."

"Give her here," she then orders Steph. "And go find her bear. She'll be pitching a fit in two minutes when she realizes she left it in there, I guarantee it."

Eleanor seems quite happy with the buzzing replacement.

Which is good, since Steph's showing precisely no sign of being about to go find the bear.

"...you?" she manages, after a few more moments of stunned silence. "... mother?"

"Yes. Um... that would be my news. The girl on your shoulders playing with Mel's vibrator would be my daughter, Eleanor."

The announcement lacks the enthusiasm one might expect from a mother. In fact, Goldy sounds quite flat.

"If you don't believe me, check out the likeness."

Steph twists her neck to peer up at Eleanor, who hits her with the duck and giggles.

"...not that I don't believe you," she points out, rubbing her nose, "but you seem to have skipped the whole pregnancy thing?"

"A rational explanation for that would be my exit from the bar after you last saw me," Goldy suggests. "An un-relative amount of time then passing, during which I got myself knocked up and subsequently popped this little one out."

"Swee'cheese swee'cheese swee'cheese!"

Still giggling, Eleanor baps Steph's forehead with the duck now.

"Buzzzz-quack!"

As an afterthought she then adds: "rarr!"

"Wow." Steph, perhaps excusably, takes this entirely at face value. But then, she's distracted by adorable baby -- with rather painful weapon.

"Wow, so wait, that means you haven't seen me in, like..." She squints at Eleanor. "Two years? Bit more? Gosh, how'd you cope with that? It must have been awful for you."

"Oh, I'm sure it would have been," Goldy says, remarkably patiently. "I'd have been crying myself to sleep at night, pining my life away for you. However, that was the rational explanation, not what actually happened.

"So I've been fine."

Steph stares at her for a few seconds.

Eleanor, meanwhile, drops the vibrator. It looks like she's about to burst into tears until the thing hits the tiled floor and the buzzing reverberates around the bathroom. She wriggles for down, squealing happily and making grabby hands for the duck.

Steph obliges, still trying to figure out what the hell Goldy's talking about. She settles, at length, for merely raising one eyebrow. (Mostly because it has taken too long to prepare an otherwise suitable response, and eyebrow-raising is the only thing that won't appear belated -- you can always pretend it was just a pause for effect, with an eyebrow-raise.)

"Apparently, by virtue of having sex with the god Eros some time ago, I unwittingly signed up for the Olympic Surrogate Special," Goldy reveals. She stoops and picks up the discarded pacifier, paying zero attention to Eleanor. Said baby is now crawling after the Squeakins, trying to catch it as it pulses energetically across the floor.

"Unwanted children without any of the physical inconveniences of gestation."

"Neat huh?"

Judging by her tone, she doesn't seem to think so.

"Well, pregnancy does kind of suck," Steph muses, crouching down so that Eleanor's within arm's reach again, just in case.

She's trying not to be all 'OMG OMG EEEEEEEE BABY OMG G LOOK YOU HAVE A BABY AND SHE'S ADORABLE AND OMG I LOVE HER CAN I KEEP HER EEEEE!' because Goldy fairly evidently isn't enthused about the situation. But the squee is very hard to squish, occasionally breaking free in little giggles or coos when Elle does anything particularly adorable, such as try to beat the duck senseless with a handtowel.

"Uh ... congratulations?"

Goldy rewards her friend with a distinctly flat look.

"Thanks Steph."

"It's been a lifetime goal of mine to have children, as you well know. And I've strived for many long centuries to get god-powered sperm to ignore my contraception methods. Having the fetus stolen from my womb was just a delightful bonus."

"Hence the slightly dubious tone," Steph points out, glancing up from where she's crouched on the floor rather anxiously. "Need to get drunk and rant?"

Goldy breathes a sigh of relief.

"I thought you'd never ask."

And with that she whirls around and starts heading for the main door.

"I'll be back to pick her up in the morning."

It should be noted that Goldy has not brought a diaper bag with her, or any other necessary baby-sitting supplies. Maybe she assumes that Steph has plenty of such things on-hand because of all the other child-minding she does, or maybe she's just a terribly thoughtless mother.

"Excuse me?"

Not that Steph objects to babysitting, because eeee adorable little girl!, but it wouldn't do to let Goldy know that.

"I believe you forgot something." She nods her head at Eleanor, now happily playing with vibrator and bubbles.

Goldy pulls up short of the exit. She was so close!

"What?"

Her voice is already loaded with exasperation.

"Oh come on, Sweetcheeks," she then wails. "I've had her for two hours straight! You know you want to get to know my baby a little better, and spend some quality one-on-one time with her."

"First I want to spend some quality time with you!" Steph points out. "C'mon, G, you can't information-dump like that and then go out to get pissed with someone else. Pleeeease?"

Goldy's shoulders slump in defeat.

"We can't get wasted in front of the baby though," she whines. "I'd be a terribly irresponsible mother if I did that."

A glimmer of hope creeps into her follow up question.

"Wouldn't I?"

It's hope for an answer in the negative.

"Yes," Steph says firmly, "you would."

She exchanges grins with Eleanor. Almost as if they're both amused by this.

"You may have a single glass of wine, and you have to sip it slowly."

Unbending a little: "But I'll get you chocolate cake to go with. After all, you're a mom now. You can let your figure go."

"That's not in the slightest bit funny."

Goldy throws Steph a nasty scowl.

"Some friend you are. You offered me an opportunity to get drunk, and then totally rescinded it. That's just fucking mean, baiting me like that."

"And you," she says, pointing at Eleanor in a very accusatory fashion, "you quit looking so happy about it all. Mommy's the only one who's allowed to take delight in other people's misfortunes. Unless it's daddy who's the butt of the joke, in which case we mock him together. Remember?"

Steph and Eleanor both giggle.

BFFS.

"You shouldn't use language like that in front of her," Steph says cheerfully. "She'll pick up bad habits."