alwaysroomforhope | (no subject)

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shatterverse

(no subject)

Steph's talk with Batman has cleared up precisely nothing. It's nearing daylight by the time the window slides up soundlessly again and she slips inside, cloak blending with the shadows, tired and only wanting to slide into bed with a snuggly, snoring boyfriend. Which she promptly does.

Somewhere that's way too early in the morning, the warm snuggling goes away. There might have been some talking, but Steph couldn't swear to it, because it's nearly evening by the time she actually wakes up, finding herself curled up in a tight ball alone in bed with exactly zero answers more than she started with.

She crawls out of bed, shaking her limbs out to clear the cramps from sleeping so huddled, and shaking her head to clear the bad dreams. (Running, always running, with her father behind her laughing and his friends, and Batman ahead - so far ahead she'll never catch up - and then a long line of people she's known, people who've died, people who she might have killed. Phil and his two stupid cannibal sons are there, staring at her. Babs is there, watching her run. Sokka isn't there, she can't find him anywhere, she can't find anyone who won't look at her like she's a failure -- and alwaays the running.)

Cleaning her teeth is the first thing she does; after sleeping all day it feels like her tongue is a dirty fuzzy old sock. Then she wanders out to the balcony to look down at the city spread out below the apartment. It's Metropolis - too clean, too shiny. It's not home, not the way that Gotham was or the farm is now. But maybe she can learn to live with that.

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"No, no." She sighs, peeling herself away and drifting over to the mirror to wipe at her face angrily. "I'm just sick of all the looks. From Babs an' everyone."

Sokka has plenty of his own to worry about. She hadn't meant to tell him just how stressed she's been. But that seems kind of pointless, when she's still sniffly just from hardly anything important at all.

"I don't wanna go have that fight with her because I don't know what I'll say."

Sokka lets her pull away from him, but follows her to the mirror. Angry movements of her fingers against her face get him to grab her wrists gently, pull them back.

He wraps his arms around her shoulders from behind, uses the mirror to wipe away her tears with his fingers.

"Why would you fight?"

Steph leans backwards into his arms, tension easing with his fingers. "The whole ... everything. The killing people. The cannibals. She thinks I'm - I don't know what she thinks."

It's a much bigger deal than Steph's been pretending it was.

Well, shit.

Sokka curls around her, trying to protect and envelop and comfort all at the same time.

"...maybe I'll run back to the farm, pick up the fruit, and then come straight back? And then we can... we can kinda vacation or something here for a few days?"

It works. Sokka is good like that. Steph turns around to wrap her arms around him, eyes shut and just - letting herself be held.

Letting yourself be the weak one is sometimes OK. ... only sometimes, though.

"You don't want to go back and stay with Katara? I can cope, it's not that bad..."

Sokka has his own issues with his sister, what it means to have her back, to have her at all... issues he won't talk about either.

He hugs Steph tighter and kisses her cheek. "Mel's looking out for her. I want to make sure you want to go back before we do. I don't wanna go without you."

Steph hesitates, and when she looks up at him she's not quite smiling but her eyes are shining anyway.

"See, that is why you're allowed to go to as many strip clubs as you want," she teases gently. "'Cause you say things like that." Things like Steph, you're more important than my sister to me. It's a rush way better than jumping off any building, 'cause it lasts.

"If you wanna stay here a bit longer ... I'd like that."

Sokka blinks, surprised, and then smiles at her. "I say them just to manipulate you into loving me," he admits softly, running fingers through her hair again. "I'll hit the farm real quick and come straight back. Today. Now. When do you want me to go?"

"Never," Steph says firmly, hugging him tight. "Okay, now, but I'll come too. We'll just be in and out real quick. Don't need to tell her where I've been or where we're going, right?"

"...she might already know." That makes her face fall again. "Oh man. Definitely sneaking in and out really quick." If Babs knows where she's been then she'll know who Steph came here to see.

Sokka laughs, short and quiet, and then leans down to kiss her. Not for passion or to shut her up, but to reassure - him and her.

"Straight to the kitchen, then back in the car," he promises. "I'll leave a note for Mel and that's it. Then we'll take a couple days here."

Steph is all for kisses, only she's a little worried and guilty herself now.

"...I came here to see Batman. The Tim one."

That's at least three days since she decided this before telling him. And that's where she snuck out to last night. Three days.

That's, like, the longest Steph's ever successfully hidden something she feels terrible about. Can she has a medal?

No more kisses.

"You what?!"

Aw, no medal and no kisses. :( Steph looks at the floor, turning away a little, ashamed.

"I thought he might understand, but he didn't help. I didn't want you to worry."

"He pulled a gun on me for dating you and you sought him out?! Because you didn't want me to worry?!

"Understand what?!"

Steph nods helplessly to the first, and shrugs to the second. "What it's like. Whether I should - should do what he does. Kill people."

Sokka can't understand - it's not how he lived. He's a warrior. Steph's just a vigilante crimefighter.

... which doesn't make her feel any better when she catches sight of his face.

"I thought he might help me figure it out."

Sokka's brain just broke.

"If you should-- if you should kill you went to-- YOU WENT TO HIM?!"

"I had to go to someone!" Steph looks up, defiant and upset. DON'T BE MAD AT HER D: "I know he's crazy now - he's Tim - but he - he - you can't know what it's like for us, and he does!"

And she couldn't think of anyone else!

"You're nothing like him!" Sokka explodes right back, arms releasing her to be thrown up. "I get that it's hard for you, Steph, but you could'a picked someone not insane to ask about it! What if he'd hurt you? What if he'd tried to attack you? What if he'd kidnapped you to protect you?!"

"I would have gotten out." Steph looks away, sitting down on the bed. "I know you don't think I'm that good a fighter - nobody does and I'm so sick of it! I'm not helpless and I'm not a child - I knew what I was doing!"

What she didn't know was how it would affect others. Be gentle, Sokka - she's not used to being cared about.

"Steph, if you wanted to, you could kick my ass, knock me out, and probably slit my throat before I even thought about you doing any of it!" Sokka snaps, angry because he cares and is scared at the idea of her going to that Batman. "And this guy could probably do the same to you! Not because you aren't good, but because you wouldn't be expecting it! He could have seriously hurt you!

"No, you didn't know what you were doing or, worse, you didn't care!"

"Of course I was expecting it," Steph argues, angry because she's in the wrong and knows it - or why would she have kept it secret? "He held a gun to you. You're the most important thing in the world to me and he threatened you - of course I was expecting him to do something.

"I just - I need answers! I'm throwing away everything I ever believed in, I need to --

" -- I need to know I'm not going to turn into my dad."

"You're not your dad, Stephanie!" Sokka exclaims, worried but still vehement about this. "We-- we killed people, yeah, but there was barely a choice there! We don't have jails, we don't have police, it was either save ourselves and make sure they never do it again or let them go to do it again and again and pretend like we didn't know about it!

"It's not the same! And damn it, you're important to me and I don't want you going back to that lunatic!"

Steph manages a twitch of a smile at that. "I'm not," she promises, and looks up at him from where she's sitting on the bed. "Promise. I didn't think - I knew you'd be upset, but I didn't think you'd be actually mad at me."

There is a lot of promising going on tonight - but it's all entirely heartfelt.

"'M sorry. I just - needed to know what he'd say."

"I'm not mad at you, I'm-"

"Okay, I'm really mad at you." Sokka sighs and then walks toward her, moving to sit beside her on the bed. "It's not... Look, I don't tell you what to do ever, but I will totally put our relationship on the line and order you not to go see him alone again if it'll mean something to you. He's insane, Steph, and he's fixated on you."

Steph stares at him.

The thought that she might lose Sokka? That is a much more frightening thought than anything Batman could have done to her. He's the only thing that makes sense lately.

"I promise."